You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
