OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
