Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
birth control should be required to get into college
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
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