is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
