i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
