btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
