True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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