Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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