Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
