My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Randomize
