and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Randomize
