i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
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