you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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