youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Randomize
