you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
