Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
