The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
