I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Randomize
