My Higher Power is John Stamos
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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