Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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