you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Randomize