I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Life is so much better after having sex.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
