areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Randomize
