I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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