"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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