All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
