I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
40s are totally the cure
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
