I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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