So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I supernannyed him into submission
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
