So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Randomize
