Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Randomize