I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
