my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
