I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I think a kid would responsible me up
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
