I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
