i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
