can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
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