Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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