She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
