I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Randomize
