so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
