I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Randomize
