Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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