is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
tell me about the eggs
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize
