Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
