This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
