I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
