Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
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