Im at strip club and am horny
It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
you would pick up someone in the library
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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