its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
