I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
