What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
