Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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