quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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