I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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