YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
If I had your ass I would rule the world
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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