I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Randomize
