I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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