I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
