Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
