I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
