i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
