Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Randomize
