Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
