Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Randomize
