The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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