Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
You left your phone here
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