I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
this hospital has no fireball
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
