Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
