I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
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