He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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