none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
