We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
