yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Randomize
