she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
