i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
