walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
