I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
