you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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