Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Randomize
