I faked an abortion last night.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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