I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
