turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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