sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
