Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
