My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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