I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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