hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
