It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
