If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
