Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Randomize