great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I can't trust your balls anymore.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize
