you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
