and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
