There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
