You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
